Battling with Fear
Happy New Year?
It may feel somewhat less than happy given the dumpster fire that rages on. Give yourself permission to protect your spirit and your joy.
I'm writing to you today about fear.
I don’t buy into the whole “new year, new me” sentiment. The year may be fresh, but my evolution isn’t dictated by birthdays or holidays. So while I’m not brand new, I am considering how to move forward this year; as a mom, as a Black woman in America, as a human. And inevitably I have to ask myself “what’s holding me back?”
The voice that says I’m not enough.
The voice that says what will people think?
The voice that says Black women don’t have space to be vulnerable, soft, quiet.
The voice that continues to ask when I’ll lose the pregnancy weight.
Focusing on Zion, while work falls through the cracks. Focusing on work while missing mini-milestones. Focusing on mini-milestones with Zion and missing them with Mark.
Battling the content creation machine when I should be focused on rest and restoration.
And quite frankly, I’m fucking tired. Yes because infant sleep is inconsistent, but also because of racism, multiple pandemics, and the general fuckery playing out in the news every day.
My solution in part is to continue cultivating my deep inner knowing. Meaning: cutting out the excess noise. Some things that have threatened my groundedness over the past year have been unsolicited advice, those seeking to disintegrate my boundaries, and of course- not giving in to my fears of not-enoughness.
What about you? What are your intentions for the year ahead?
And maybe most importantly- how will you care for yourself? How will you honor your gifts? Do you believe that you are so much more than a curated feed or other people's opinions of you? Do you believe in your inherent worth just by being?
So I guess you could say that in 2022, my intention is to reclaim my peace.
A few life updates, if you're interested:
I teach Strength & conditioning + hiit 3x a week for Down Under Yoga. Virtually for now, but will be moving back to the studio within the next month or so where classes will be hybrid in-person and Livestream. I'm also a co-chair on the Teacher Leadership Council, as well as teach DEI to those doing their 200YTT.
Mark and I will be bringing our podcast, Conversations in Courage, back on the air. We’ve gone back and forth for a VERY long time and it just feels right. https://open.spotify.com/show/2CLFjVsZoy6R52fhfITISi?si=cdd96e581cff4c20
As for The Courage Campaign, it’s tough to keep adjusting our expectations for getting back into schools. Especially knowing how much our kids (and teachers) could really use a wellness boost. We do have some things in the works, though!. 1. We’ve been working with a team of strategy consultants dedicated to social impact to test our hypothesis around movement and student engagement. This is super exciting because it will ground our work in hard science, data, and research. 2. The website is on the verge of a big update! 3. We’ve still been able to support the students of Lee School and Alexander Twilight Academy- and it’s all because of your donations and commitment to equity in education. So, thank you!
And finally, I’ve come back to DEI speaking engagements/workshops based on allyship & belonging. I’m really passionate about creating brave spaces where people can learn about how to be better to each other and to themselves.
There’s a vulnerability in admitting what we don’t know. There’s power in making a commitment to learning.
I appreciate the way you all hold space for me and lift me up. Especially in the time of covid, it means more than you know.
Feel the fear, and do it anyway.